Fear of rejection limits God’s call on our lives

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Fear of rejection limits God’s call on our lives

I don’t remember the exact time or date when God showed me the root cause of my need to be perfect and perform. In that moment, time seemed to stand still.  All I heard was his voice saying “you fear rejection”. Truth penetrated into my spirit in one of those Ah Huh moments. Light flooded my world and I understood why people’s opinions matter so much to me.

I wouldn’t elaborate more on this to anyone really until last Wednesday night:

I thought it was a typical home group evening, surrounded by dear friends, delicious food, and, of course, time with God and each other. The questions my home group leaders asked us to answer were thought provoking and served to inspire a conversation with God.

After we had finished writing down our answers to these questions, some of us felt courageous enough to be vulnerable with what God had revealed. Yours truly was one of them. One of the ladies at my home group later asked me to write down my revelations for her to give to someone she knew. This inspired today’s post. So here goes:

I didn’t need to answer the question of what I am I called to with phrases such as prophecy or intercession. To me those answers were the equivalent of saying my eyes are brown or I am a mousey brunette. To me these are obvious. No my calling is more than that. It’s to love fully and completely.

What holds me back from living in my calling?fear of rejection watch and blossoms on the beach with phrase Time works for you not against you. Pen Paper Paint logo at bottom right corner

This is where the revelation began to get deep. I am held back by a deep fear of rejection and a sense of running out of time. As a result, I push myself to do more than I should, have unrealistic expectations and am impatient with life.

In this place, the Holy Spirit sat next to me with a stopwatch in his hand (this is all in my mind’s eye by the way or sanctified imagination – I am a visual person). I took the stopwatch from him while he gently whispered to me:

Whenever you push the button on the stopwatch, time stands still. Pressure, stress, performance and insecurities will lift. Time works for you not against you. This is my gift to you. I give you today covered in peace. Peace, my daughter, peace.

If you flip the coin of what is holding you back, what do you see?

This was another question that was asked. With every negative, we find a positive. My negative was a fear of rejection but if I look for the opposite, God showed me that I would find acceptance, love, security and trust. Woah.

For months now, I have been wanting to know what is causing me to mistrust almost every person I know. I don’t trust people. It is easier to do things for myself because I am highly independent and only trust myself to do things. This even affects my relationship with God. God, I don’t trust you to do a good job at loving me, providing for me, or leading me into my destiny.

I find myself racing to the negative comments I think people will make because I am protecting my heart from people. Having been compared against my sister and other girls countless times, my heart got bruised and broken. My response was to form a protector over my heart in the form of mistrust and fear of rejection.

A spirit of comparison had entered my life many years ago from all the times I was compared to someone else. Comparison sends a strong, loud message of you are not good enough. Along with it comes a fear of rejection. The result, I can’t trust you and I have to be better than everyone else around me because if I don’t you’ll reject me. The pain that comes with rejection runs deep and raw.

Right now in your life, what are you pursuing security or adventure?

At first I thought I am pursuing security. It fits with my personality. God didn’t agree with me so he said to me adventure. I was surprised. My husband is more the adventurous one and here God is telling me I am pursuing adventure. Jesus showed me that the reason I am chasing adventure is because I want to feel validated, to escape monotony and to escape fear.

This was no small revelation. I realized that adventure was my escape. If I went on an adventure and did well, I would get affirmation, compliments, acceptance and validation which would appease my fear of rejection. Monotony adds to my fear of having a life that will be insignificant thus a form of rejection in its own right. Adventure would be my distraction from both these things.

This is not what God wants for me or for you. I have come to realize that although these sort of questions and answers can leave us feeling raw and vulnerable, they can also be the most healing to our hearts. God wants to show us the truth about what we feel deeply and what we fear so that he can rush in with his love and truth.

Jesus said, Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.John 8:32

The way forwardfear of rejection, open road with yellow lines blue sky and clouds

Whenever God reveals these deep insights into our hearts and minds, we have a choice. We can choose to partner with our fears and insecurities and our past; or, we can choose to allow God to redefine the way we see him, others and life. A mindset shift may need to happen in order for us to find ourselves living more in the realities of the destiny and call God has placed on our lives.

We do this by asking God to show us what the truth is about him and how he sees us. He begins to define us. In this place of relationship with God, we realize more and more that his opinion of us is the only opinion that really matters. We realize that God is besotted with us. When we read Song of Songs or the Psalms (for example) we realize that Jesus looks at us with that much love, acceptance, and adoration. We are a bride pleasing to his eyes. We are the object of his affection, the desire of his heart.

So we step out of our past and into his grace. We hand him our fears and our insecurities in exchange for his acceptance, affirmation, peace and love. He changes our perspective so that we do everything as unto the Lord. Purity increases in our relationships as does wisdom. We are released into more of his goodness and kindness.

 

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By | 2017-04-15T11:06:45+00:00 November 7th, 2016|My Heart Journey|22 Comments

22 Comments

  1. Bonnie Beardsley 7th November 2016 at 18:44 - Reply

    Love this! It is so easy to fall into especially when you were told growing up you can do nothing right. You are always questioning yourself and don’t want to make a mistake so you just sit there and do nothing. So been there and done that.

    • ailie 7th November 2016 at 20:23 - Reply

      yes so true. It amazes me how we have these default ways of thinking and some rooted in fear. I love how God wants to heal us and reset our default to that of the mind of Christ

  2. Leah 7th November 2016 at 20:18 - Reply

    Fear is such a big problem for Christians. The more learn about it the more I realize how much of my own life has been dictated by fear. It’s true, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself”. If the opposite of fear is love then love is the way out of fear. What a beautiful post and revelation, don’t forget it!

    • ailie 7th November 2016 at 20:20 - Reply

      Thanks Leah. I love that quote. Its profound. I also love the scripture in 1 John 4 which talks about perfect love casts out all fear.

  3. April Boyer 7th November 2016 at 20:27 - Reply

    Even when you don’t KNOW you’re feeling rejected, you can slip into that pattern. Good words. You are smart lady, for I’m guessing one so young. Thanks!!

    • ailie 8th November 2016 at 05:52 - Reply

      Hi April

      That is so true. I love how God knows what hinders us as brings us to a place of healing and freedom.

      Yes, I am still young 30 to be exact.

  4. Stephanie Miller 7th November 2016 at 21:00 - Reply

    This is a great post! I agree that we need to view ourselves exactly as God views us, In the write 31 days challenge I completed in October, I looked at faithfulness and our ability to be faithful is the result of love. We are faithful to others because we love them and God is faithful to us because He loves us. I love how we always seem to share the revelation within a short time of each other, blessings sweet friend!

    • ailie 8th November 2016 at 05:50 - Reply

      Wow Stephanie. That is amazing and encouraging. Well done on writing for 31 days – that is something I don’t think I can do yet lol.

      I love how you talk about faithfulness being the fruit of love. That is a beautiful analogy. Wow.

  5. Lauren C. Moye 8th November 2016 at 04:11 - Reply

    Thank you for being so personal and real with us today! My fear is different from yours, but still very similar. I fear failure. I fear the fingers that will point at me when I fail and the snide voices that will say, “I thought you were supposed to be smart/a role model/etc.” But, just like your fear, it holds me back from living out God’s call on my life.
    I would love to tell you that it gets easier once you admit your fears, but that’s only partially true. You’ll have good days where the fear seems to have lessened its hold on you, and then you’ll have days when it seems to hold you in a death-grip. I’ll be praying for you, Ailie! I’ve pinned this to a couple of different Pinterest boards and will be sharing it on Facebook momentarily.

    • ailie 8th November 2016 at 05:49 - Reply

      Hey Lauren. Thanks so much for sharing this post. It means a lot.

      Thank you for sharing your fear. Yes, I have experienced days or weeks where the fear of rejection is less than other times. I will be praying for you too.

  6. Christina 8th November 2016 at 17:42 - Reply

    Ailie,

    Love how He gently shows us things about ourselves, things we didn’t realize. Allowing Him to change our mindset is a crucial step in our relationship. Love also how you brought up purity increasing our relationship with wisdom, beautiful post!

    • ailie 8th November 2016 at 20:36 - Reply

      Hi Christina. I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂

  7. Kathy 13th November 2016 at 19:51 - Reply

    I love God’s convicting spirit..convicting us to turn our fears and insecurities into their opposites, turning our weaknesses into our strengths. When we surrender rejection, fear, distrust into the loving omnipotence of God’s power, nothing is impossible ! We were born in God’s image and in surrendering, we return! Thank you for your vulnerability in this post and your faithful heart that pulls us to truth!

    • ailie 13th November 2016 at 21:10 - Reply

      Wow Kathy. You are right with God nothing is impossible. I love the great exchange that we can have with God – our weakness for His strength; our mourning for his joy; our fears for his love. So powerful. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

  8. Crystal 13th November 2016 at 23:48 - Reply

    I have an awful fear of rejection. It really hurts my writing aspirations because I know logically, that if I write and submit a ton of stuff, the odds are better that I will get paid for something eventually, but every time I get a rejection it kill my motivation. I have this one piece that I am not comfortable putting on my own blog, that I love and think is amazing, but it has been rejected by two sites. I think if I could get that piece published it would really bolster my self-esteem.

    • ailie 14th November 2016 at 00:13 - Reply

      Wow Crystal, I totally hear you. I feel the same. I did an SEO article for a client and made a big mistake on it. Fortunately the client has stayed with me but my confidence is also a bit rocky. Its tough. Would you like me to have a look at your post? Maybe we can see if it will work as a guest post? I’d love to help build your confidence up where possible.

  9. Emily 28th November 2016 at 06:18 - Reply

    What a beautiful post! I struggle with comparing myself to others and trying to be perfect (but God is working in me). I recently realized that I want to pursue doing things simply so I feel significant. Life with a chronic illness slows you down, and it can be hard not to compare. But I know God is using this time to mold me with His love and grace.

    • ailie 28th November 2016 at 11:19 - Reply

      Wow Emily. That’s beautiful. I also struggle with perfection. It takes constant renewing of my mind to come into agreement with God’s view of me too.

      I love how God uses every stage of our life to work in us.

  10. Mavis 23rd December 2016 at 03:54 - Reply

    Wow!I love this.I can identify.How easy it is to get into a fear pattern and not even know it

    • ailie 24th December 2016 at 08:03 - Reply

      Thanks Mavis. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Fear can sneak up on us fortunately God’s perfect love drives out all fear.

  11. […] I am really doing is hiding the fact that I am afraid of rejection. If I really let you see me, will you reject me? I want you to love me. So, I hide. I hide my mess, […]

  12. […] Fear of rejection limits God’s call on our lives […]

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